Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Gutted

Had work over the weekend. It sucked. Had to take care of a person who came as a direct admit from another hospital's ER to our unit that really should have gone to the stepdown ICU - as in RR of 34 with nasal flaring and major abdominal and shoulder breathing (just shy of sternal indrawing) so ya, pretty serious! ABG's came back as respiratory acidosis, however, person was DNR (including no intubation - YAAYYY finally!) but even said "If I knew dying would be this difficult I would have signed up for something different!" WHAT DO YOU SAY TO THAT?!!! I mean, they're 85 years old - so it's not like they haven't lived a good long life!

I tried to get ahold of family - called the contact number and left a message. Got a different phone number for a different family member - tried that one and was told it was the wrong number/person - and the other person was in another country several hundred miles away by plane and didn't want us to call them. We have to abide by their choices.

Next day, come in to find out that I would be now transferring this person to where they should have gone in the first place. Family has shown up. On the way to the SIMCU we talk about what would happen once we arrive - that the person would be put onto bipap since ma/pa decided to be a DNR - they didn't take that information well - they were shocked that this person would choose this without consulting the family! How incredulous of them! I explained that this was decided at several different points along the way - before any extreme fatigue and hypoxic confusion set in - spoken about to SEVERAL different HC professionals. That I (as well) spoke to ma/pa about this and was confirmed that no heroic attempts be made to save their life. What the family was so upset about was that one of the children was in another country and should this person die, that this would be a very bad thing and that THIS part should have been discussed first so that this person would be given the opportunity to make it should things turn south. 

THAT part I could understand. But again, I had to stress to the family that the ultimate choice was still up to ma/pa and that all they could (we included) do was speak to ma/pa about their decision and maybe postponing it a bit until said family member could arrive at bedside since they were doing so poorly and required such measure as the bipap to be able to continue breathing.

Situations like this make me wish that I was finished my BSN and could follow this story. The little ol ma/pa was a sweet ol soul who I enjoyed taking care of. They had a bit of a spit fire about them. I hope that should they decide to maintain the DNR that the suffering is minimized. I think dying from a respiratory issue is a terrible thing since you are so acutely aware of air hunger when unable to breathe anymore. ya never know, ma/pa could pull a miracle out of a hat and turn a corner - crazier things have happened!

On an entirely separate note - almost started bawling this evening.... saw that Kate Middleton is pregnant with baby #2 - yay for them but boy does it make me feel blue (and green).... one of the girls is pregnant at work, I was happy for her.... then I found out one of my pals is also pregnant (was told just this past weekend)..... I'm really jealous (I'd say envious but I think I'm past that point). I WANT A BABY!!!! I WANT IT TO BE MEEEEEEE!!!! I know that when hubby decided no babies for us that I was crushed, but I figured that I could get over it. I'm not so sure. I want what everyone else is having but me. I know getting my BSN takes precidence but how do you balance the needs and the wants?! So ya, I was gutted by the news of everyone else getting the chance to be pregnant and have babies and I don't. It sucks and I just want to crawl under my blankies and wallow in self pity. Maybe I just will.

Saturday, September 6, 2014

I don't share stuff very often

Facebook is a place where I procrastinate on and the other day was no exception....

And what I found was all kinds of awesomeness!!!

Hopefully this link works....  http://www.viralnova.com/patty-cake-song/#.VAjefplZPuA.facebook

I like the song and what they did DURING the song is spectacular!!!

What do you ppl think?

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Summer trip was fun - now back to the grind - ***It's going to be a long post

I'm coming up to the end of my holidays. It was nice while it lasted. Going home to see family and friends recharged my batteries. I don't feel absolutely overwhelmed for this semester at least. For the summer one I certainly did, hence why I had to drop one of my summer courses. We're finding that the first month and a half is insane with due dates and such. I figure that they do this to overwhelm as many people as possible to have those who can't cope end up dropping the course.

I'm doing my core nursing course - nursing care of the adult II - and I get to do it at a level one trauma center. They have six helicopters at their disposal so ya, I'm excited to say the least. I finally got a hold of my preceptor (lets call her Anna, cuz I'm sure I'll talk about her again and it will make it easier - as you guessed it, not her real name!) with whom I was emailing back and forth with but needed to speak with over the phone. Unfortunately, I was having difficulty arranging this because I was on vacation and she was working a LOT - likee 52 hours a week or more! I left messages and she FINALLY answered just the other day. I was starting to get UBER nervous/anxious that I would have to ask for a different preceptor because I couldn't get in touch with her and there were forms that needed going over in order to be able to be granted permission to start my hours by my faculty.

When I finally did get a hold of Anna we talked for two hours first and my cell phone provider cut me off indicating that I had talked long enough and their policy indicates that at that point, they cut the call off. Thankfully she was a good sport about it when I called back. Then we talked about another 40 minutes!

We talked about the unit and what sort of things are seen, what I should expect as well as a little bit of homework - mainly meds that are used a bunch that I'm not familiar with. We talked about goals - Anna wants me to give CPR during a code a go and for me to learn to read ECGs and know what ones are important. On my unit we have the capability for tele but don't use it, for whatever reason. We did talk about the different things I am familiar with, being that I work in a hospital.

The only thing that's upsetting about this semester is that I don't get to do it with my friend. We became friends being that we were in the same beginning/graduation class and frequently interacted with each other and it just lead from there. A couple of months ago she told me that she started bleeding - she's post menopausal - so this abnormal. She indicated that she had a history of fibroids so I figured it was something like that. I was wrong. While on vacation she texted me to tell me that she was diagnosed with cancer, so of course I called her immediately - straight to voicemail (ARGH!), which I left one of course. Once at the hotel I called her again and got a hold of her. Thankfully she was only stage one (possibly two) but would need surgery ASAP to remove her uterus but that depending on test results may require radiation (but probably not chemo). Unfortunately, she would be out of commission for over two months recovering and such (if not more if she had to have radiation) and so she had to bow out for this semester. I'm so thankful that this was caught early but it's so crappy that she has to miss out on a semester because of it. She's come through a lot of things to even get to this point (hell, know the feeling!) so I know she can get through this - she's a strong, strong woman!

Another crappy bit was that we had arranged for our clinical to be at the same hospital and so we were going to share the cost of accomodations and such. Now I have to do this all by myself. A new city, new hospital and everything that goes along with these things. Such a bummers. I went into this thinking I would have a good friend to debrief about my experience with (maintaining HIPPA of course) and now I won't.... til next semester anyways. Plus this means that we probably won't graduate together which makes me really sad.

Speaking of school, while on vacation we stopped at the university and met my current prof, tried to brown nose a bit. We also bought some uni parphenalia as well as a pocket guide (extremely useful for this course - and the next course - which I found out should be critical care based) so this should be perfect. I got this pink hoodie that is really sweet and I can't wait to show it off. It will replace my current one that my MIL hates. I also got a coffee mug, T-shirt and a half zipper sweater (that I like the color of but not really the decals or the half zipper aspect - IMO it should either be a hoodie or a full zipper).

The trip was tons of fun - well except that around St. Louis there was new freeways that my GPS didn't know about (nor did it recognize the address of my hotel) - and hubby yelled at me because I listened to the GPS directions and not to his (he was the navigator - but it's not like he had a map that he was telling me directions off of) and so we had a huge blow out on the side of the highway until we figured our shit out and carried on our merry little way (an hour late we arrived at our hotel but whatever, it's not like we were in a hurry!).

We missed a couple of the BBQ places we wanted to go to, which was incredibly disappointing. But we made do and found some yummy foods. We went to the St. Louis zoo which was a LOT of fun, I highly recommend it! The only thing there that disappointed me was that the giraffes were penned into the barn area so you could see them closely, but couldn't touch them, whereas if they were allowed to go to their habitat area then you could potentially touch them (was really hoping I could!) - instead I had to be ok with just seeing them through bars. Another really cool part was that they had a ton of elephants (a bunch of baby ones too that were really cute) that were fun to watch. Lastly, a lot of their animals you could get really close to because they put glass close to the animals - case in point - the gorillas were a disgusting hoot - there was a husband and wife (the female was grooming the male so I figure that they were attached) that we checked out and watched for a bit and boy were we entertained!

First the female picked her nose (ok, ewwww), looked at it and then ATE IT!!!!!!!!!  ARGH!!!! Then two minutes later she vomitted INTO HER HAND (gross again) then ATE IT!!!!!!  OMG yucky! Then she went back to grooming her mate and eating whatever she found. Her mate had a wound on his shoulder and she stuck her finger into it and AGAIN proceeded to EAT IT!!! I couldn't believe it was happening. Again she went back to grooming her mate when all of a sudden he turned around and SCREAMED at her (I think she was a bit stunned), then he turned around and let her go back to what she was doing. So we moved on. Boy the memories tho!!! HAHAHAHA

It was a great trip - hopefully I can get the photos uploaded onto the computer and actually put some up. We'll see how busy keeps me!

Saturday, August 16, 2014

Summer trip fun

Leavin in the morning - just a couple more hours - for our road trip

First we're heading to Toledo, OH to have lunch there at a BBQ place we found - look yummy! Then we're continuing on to Cincinnati, OH where we're going to hit up Entertainment Junction - a really nifty place that hubby found that has the Island of Sodor (Thomas the tank engine show) all set up with active trains and you get to play with them and interact with the island and the trains that more.... UBER neato! I've very excited to check this out and find out how little tyke will enjoy it. After that we're hitting up another BBQ place - but in Cincinnati - and we'll stay the night there.

Next day we're hitting up a seafood festival just across the river in Kentucky - oooo I can't wait to get a hold of the food there! Some lobsters (believe they're coming from Louisiana) and crawfish and scallops. YUMMY stuff! After that we're going to head to Tennesee and see if there's anything for us to take part in in Nashville. Then we're going to continue on to St. Louis, MO and stay the night there.

Next day we're heading to the zoo in St. Louis - it's rated #2 in the US so I'm really excited. They have 575 different species of animals. Plus there's a train that you can get on and off of which will save my feet cuz let me tell you they are SORE!!! I worked evenings yesterday and today and I ran my butt off today at work (2 admissions and giving a blood product to another person - but in a different area of the unit - so that = LOTS of walking.... which = VERY sore feet!). I think little tyke will LOVE this place.

I think we'll have lunch in Indianapolis (not quite sure yet!) then continue through Michigan all the way up til you can't reach any further and go visit family. I'm missing my mom - and little tyke is missing her nana and papa. Plus big brother is there and we miss him. Papa is supposed to be picking him up the next day so we get to spend a bunch of time together. That will be nice! I hope he behaves and leaves the attitude at home!

Then we have some down time to go swimming in the lake, 4 wheeling and hot tubbing - ok and some card playing with everyone (a bunch of mom's friends are also going to be there - ladies that I've known for almost 20 years so they're like my mom almost) and I get to love on my BFF and her little one. Lots of fun to be had! I can't wait!!!

And since I actually found my camera again (we loaned it to my BIL/SIL and hubby didn't remember and didn't believe me when I said we did) I might actually be able to load some pics of said fun. Til then, have fun but stay safe!

Wednesday, August 13, 2014

Update to the drama - and some more

Little tyke has improved - THANKFULLY! Not that her Dr was any help! I ended up having to follow up with a different doc and so she got better.

My oc-health time frame is up and so I was hoping that I could start back at work full shift work and all - any amount of time or shift throughout the week. And then I got another abcess - no fistula this time thankfully and it opened up and relieved itself (so to speak).... so then that puts the kibosh to getting back to work how I wanted.... made an appointment with the surgeon - who indicated to me that he thinks this situation may just be permanent - something that I'm going to have to deal with. He signed my papers to continue my work schedule for another three months.

Oh for the drama....

I'm not getting any younger - and neither is hubby for that matter. Little tyke has been bugging us for siblings. Hubby and I have always agreed that once I'm done my degree THEN we would continue the baby making process. Then last month he asked me to have a baby. I told him no and reiterated that we had agreed to wait til after the degree.

Then he comes home from work the other day, crawls into bed and whispers in my ear and asks me to have another baby. I told him no and went back to sleep. But that whole day I wondered what made him think about this and whether he was actually serious. So after my shift I came home and sat him down and asked him about his intentions - whether he really does want a baby.... I seriously broke it down for him.... that we had complication in the pregnancy with little tyke (pre eclampsia) and that it was possible with another baby. That barring any complications, we would have the baby in like July and then I would start consolidation/pre-grad placement in September so we wouldn't be able to wait. That if we didn't have a baby now then we would have to wait another 3 years (I want to get this thing afterwards that will mean I have to work 60-80hrs per week - just like a doc) and then that means that I will be high risk for a pregnancy. That we are not living on our own in our own house - we esentially have a bachelor room (one single large room - no separate bedroom). It was a pretty in-depth serious conversation. I knew what my decision was in the discussion but he wasn't so sure on his side. I told him that since it was a big decision that I would give him a bit of time to decide (3 days actually).... then the next morning I renigged and told him that he was only getting the day - and after my shift was done that we would have to talk again.

When I got home he evaded talking. Not a good sign but he sometimes plays hard to get. So then I asked him straight out what his decision was - his answer - "not at this time" - I was dumbfounded. HE was the one who had brought this whole subject up.... HE was the one who asked ME. I couldn't believe that he would do this to me. It's completely him crying wolf. He completely got my hopes up and then ran a knife right through them. I couldn't believe it. I was so shocked and hurt that I started crying. It's something I try really hard to not do because I know that this bothers him - I didn't want him to change his mind simply because his decision had hurt me. I got up and left him there and went to try to collect myself and then went to bed. Nothing seemed to actually help though. I think I cried for another 45 minutes til my sleeping meds kicked in and I finally fell asleep.

I'm still raw and sensitive inside - I'm having difficulty allowing him to touch me (especially my belly), kiss me, cuddle - anything really intimate. I feel jaded. I feel swindled. I feel stupid. I should have kept my walls up. I knew that what he was talking about was too good to be true.

We're also making plans to go on a bitty road trip through Michigan, Ohio, Kentucky, Missouri, Indiana (gonna go check out my university!), and Michigan again then back to my hometown for a beautiful six days. But how am I supposed to look foward to this when I just got gobsmacked. It's easier said than done. I suppose I have to figure out a way to pick up the pieces and continue on.

Oh, and I got back my marks - for my nursing course I got an A+ and for the music course I got an A - I'm certainly satisfied with those marks!!!

Friday, August 8, 2014

Is my life ever without drama?! Part four

So five days later and little tyke's cough isn't any better (and you can feel the junk in her chest when she coughs), but at least her ears feel better and her tonsils look better so at least the antibiotic is working on something.... but something needs to be done about her pneumonia so I called the office and spoke with the secretary about getting the Dr to call in a different antibiotic cuz it's not working for her pneumonia.... and she said that she would pass it on and then once she heard one way or another, would call me back. I figured that the doc would because he actually listens to me and trusts my ability to assess (and diagnose acurately).

HOWEVER -

No one called me back yesterday, but someone ELSE called me this morning.... to indicate that the OTHER secretary did NOT give the note to the Dr....

OOOOOOOOOooooooo I was LIVID!!!!!! I tried REAL hard not to get angry with her since it wasn't HER that didn't pass the message on.... she said that she would put it on his desk as soon as the call was finished, but that he wouldn't be in the office til tomorrow. UGH!

I swear, this doc had better call my prescription into the pharmacy!!!!

Monday, August 4, 2014

Is my life ever without drama?! Part three

Had a visit with my family doc on Friday - follow up from my visit with the ER - showed me the results of the x-ray.... ya well it showed that I have arthritis in my heel!!!! Goodness I'm only 32, I'm too young for this shit!!!!!!!!! Oh ya, and he figures that I also have a flare up of plantar facitis so when combined it ain't good! He told me to take it easy and let it heal up, take a lot of NSAIDs and that I should be good to go for my next shift.

Also had the little tyke accompany me to him because she was coughing up a storm (and sounding suspicious), was febrile (low grade), and complaining that her ears hurt. Well turns out she has... now wait for it....

Bilateral ear infections

Tonsilitis

And pneumonia!

The tonsilitis I gathered before we left the house and we were playing around and I saw into the back of her mouth and saw grade 3+ tonsils.... small amount of exudate bilaterally.... so nothing I didn't expect. Now we're doing oral antibiotics Q8hrs & Otic drops twice daily. This has gotten so bad that my little girl knows the deal and ASKS to go to the Dr AND she tells ME when it's time for meds! HAHAHA - remember she's only 5! Poor girl - she's gotten the raw end of the deal when it comes to childhood sickness.